“Alexa, turn the volume down.” Was the first words out of my mouth as I sit down to write this blog post. My worship music was too loud for me to think. It was on the in the first place because it was too quiet for me to think. I turned my office lights off because it was too bright, then turned them back on because it was too dark. Yes, I have ADHD if you couldn’t tell. Often times I find more peace by drowning out my surroundings with loud music or turning a noisy fan on (my wife hates that one). If those things don’t work walking normally does. Anything to blur the things around me just to find some stillness on the inside. Last year I walked 3.9 million steps which is a little less than 2,000 miles or just under 6 miles a day. I move a lot.
What’s crazy to think though is that our life, our accomplishments and who we are isn’t normally decided by the movement we make. I know that is however what the world tells us. I’m an entrepreneur that was raised by entrepreneurs and missionaries. I’ve hustled pretty much since I came out of the womb. Yes, I get a lot done in those 6 miles of constant working every day. Most of which doesn’t translate into money, it translates into love for the people I care about. But in reality it’s the non-movement that decides who we become. It’s the quiet time we spend in prayer, mediation and intention that ultimately decides what our legacy is, who we actually become.
My morning prayer and meditation time over the several years has slipped dramatically. Caring for someone with chronic health issues, doctor visits, raising two children, laundry, cooking and cleaning while trying to serve our community and run several businesses drowns me most of the time. Starting the day at 5:00am used to put me ahead of the game and provide time to seek Jesus in the morning. Now days rising at 5am just gives me time to get caffeinated before I have to start waking kids and making lunches.
So I often times fine myself in the moment I am in right now as I am writing this. Trying to make up for lost time that I should have had before I actually started my day. Trying to be still and hear the voice of Jesus. If you asked anyone that knows me to blurt out some words that describe me, no one would say “still”. In fact if the word “still” ever came out it would only be after so many words that no one would want to hear about themself. It would for sure be after words like loud, harsh, impatient, demanding, angry and a bunch of others that I wouldn’t like.
Yet, I truly believe that it’s in the stillness that we become who we are to be. It’s not last minute choices, fast decisions or reactive living that creates an intentional human being, a Christ like human being. It’s meditating on the Word of God but even more importantly, actual relationship with Jesus. You cannot have relationship without conversation. It’s impossible. If you don’t have 2-way communication with Jesus you don’t know Him. That might sound harsh (another word the would be used to describe me) but it’s true.
You can know a lot of information about someone without communication. Like an obsessive Elvis Presley fan or a Taylor Swift fan. You may even know their birthdate, favorite color or food. You may even be able to quote their words or lyrics with precision. But if you met them in person that would say “Who are you?”.
Matthew 7:22-23 says “…many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name. But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me…”
I’m literally writing this blog post because after starting my day, running around then coming back in the busy and trying to make some time to pray, to write in my journal like I often do, to communicate with Jesus, to hear the voice of God… I couldn’t get my spirit still enough to talk with Him. So I started typing here to talk to the people of the internet because I don’t have to be still to talk to you. This is one way communication. It’s another way for me to blur out my surroundings so my neurodivergent brain can focus. Like my loud fans, dark rooms or walking miles.
Sometimes writing like this helps me get still so I can turn around and seek Jesus. That was really my primary intention here. But I am speaking to you from a point of my own conviction, not down to you asking you to follow my perfect example. Do you hear Jesus? Do you know Him? Do you have a relationship with Him or do you just know a lot about Him. If you ran into Jesus on the streets of this world or the next, would He say… “Who are you?
I don’t know how many of you have cast out demons, or performed miracles in the name of Jesus. But if He told those guys “I never knew you. Get away from me.” What would He tell us?
My cardiologist asked me how much I walked on my last visit. When I told her my step count she lowered her glasses and looked over them at me in unbelief, that made me smile. I’m proud to be an Entrepreneur, I’m glad I know how to hustle and how to serve. You can’t call me lazy and I wont leave this world without impacting it but if I can’t be still what does any of that matter?
The most spiritually dangerous place to be isn’t in the strip clubs or the bars, it’s in the busy. And I live there constantly. But today I will remind myself to seek Jesus, I will position myself in stillness and I will listen for the voice of God.
